Our latest assignments came back within four days of submission—a fast turnaround. Mine scored a high merit. Its main weaknesses were:
- I should have mentioned more works of dystopian literature, rather than other media such as film and television drama. I had brought in the other media because part of the essay relates to how ‘script’ has influenced my work. There had been a reference to Fahrenheit 451 which I removed to save words, and I couldn’t talk about Brave New World or The Handmaid’s Tale because I discussed them in TMA 3. Instead, I focused on 1984 with mention of Vox and The Circle. If I had the chance to rewrite this, I would cut out references to film structure and replace them with more analysis of dystopian literature.
- The essay talks about characterisation and narrative voice, before appearing to return to character, which the tutor felt showed a lack of control. I had meant the last discussion about ‘psychic distance’ to be part of the point-of-view section rather than character, but obviously that didn’t come across.
- The word count was dangerously close. Agreed! Our essay was meant to be 3,000 words, with a 10% leeway either side. That means we could write between 2,700 and 3,300 words. I went up to 3,300. Once, on a course years ago, a tutor told me I could have used the word limit to expand an argument, but generally tutors don’t like it (more work for them), and going right up to the limit is dangerous as word processors count differently.
- This didn’t affect me, but I heard from someone else who wrote too much about the influence of another genre—creative nonfiction—and was marked right down for it.
I’m including my TMA below in the hope that it might help people next year. We had no examples to go on this time—just very broad guidance notes, which makes it difficult to know what’s expected. Bear in mind that every tutor is different.
The names of other students are masked to protect their privacy.
TMA 06: A Critical Commentary
My EMA project continues a theme that I’ve been following throughout the Masters, beginning with The Sponsor (Daykin, 2017). It involves looking at modern cultural trends and spinning a narrative about the future. The Sponsor dealt with the social effects of automation. All Souls (Daykin, 2018a) explored how social media can empower toxic ideologies. Rebel Generation (Daykin, 2018b) asked what would happen if the elderly drastically outnumbered the young. My latest project, True Britain (Daykin, 2019c), is inspired by current political developments and predicts a swing to authoritarian government. Below, I will refer to these pieces and two stories outside the dystopian genre, Child of the Moors (Daykin, 2019a) and The Grey Runner (Daykin, 2019b). In demonstrating how my writing has evolved, I focus on awareness of genre, character, narrative modes and the influence of script and creative nonfiction. I will show how feedback from others and the habit of ‘reading as a writer’ have informed my work.
For this project, I chose to write the opening of a novel. I had found the short story format insufficient to explore complex ideas in speculative fiction. Writing All Souls, for example, I struggled to provide a satisfactory ending, and a reviewer commented that the story ‘opened some doors to interesting social themes, but did not really engage with these themes in any depth’ (X, 2018). With True Britain, I am writing a much longer narrative exploring politics and history. As the project has to be seen in the context of the novel, some plot points not included in the EMA will be described here to explain decisions I have made.
A writer needs to be aware of the elements of genre, as readers have expectations about character, writing and plot (Neale, 2009, p3). Previously, I wrote intuitively without studying the conventions of genre. The Sponsor must have been inexact in its genre, as one reviewer asked if it was science fiction (XXXX, 2017). Dystopia is a subgenre of science fiction ‘because it depicts future fictive societies’ (Utopia and Dystopia, 2019), but in order for fiction to be clearly dystopian, certain elements have to be in place. One of these is that it is ‘built on the imperfections of the author’s world, created to be considerably worse’ (Ezzi, 2018). The intention of The Sponsor was to take current technological trends to their logical conclusion. In retrospect, the links to today’s society could have been emphasised more clearly, as I am attempting to do in True Britain.
I submitted two different openings of True Britain for peer review. The original began almost in media res, with a brief scene occurring before the army descended on Jake’s estate. Reviewers understood that this was a dystopia, but felt that the message and background were not clear (XXXX, 2019). My second attempt made Emily the character in focus, showing through her role as a teacher how the regime was indoctrinating the young. This provided more opportunity to demonstrate how and why Britain evolved from the present to a quasi-dictatorship. I conveyed information through a classroom debate on ‘favourite prime ministers’, but this extract was heavy in exposition, over-emphasising dialogue and giving the story a didactic, repetitive feel (XXXX, 2019b). Successful dystopias tend to introduce their circumstances through action. For example, in 1984 (Orwell, 1989) Orwell conveys the impoverished, oppressive nature of his society by following Winston Smith as he returns home. Orwell also inserts long extracts from another text which further explain the dystopia, but this seems a risky strategy as it stalls the action, and I have decided against using this technique in True Britain. Jake and Emily have more freedom to show their world through action than Smith.
One reviewer asked how True Britain would be ‘developed and distinguished from other fictions set in dystopian near futures’ (XXXX, 2019). One way I tried to achieve this was by blending genres. Once genre is understood, playing with it can ‘fuel reading enjoyment’ (Anderson, 2006, p162) and mixing genres has become more popular in publishing (Coles, 2019). True Britain is primarily a dystopia, but it includes elements of the action genre, and also weaves in brief historical passages written by a main character, Emily. Emily not only teaches history but identifies herself and others with its stories—an image of Elizabeth I in battle dress hangs by her desk, and she pictures other characters as Victorian waifs or Medieval scholars. Her historical fiction is included as a nested narrative, underscoring a central idea—that nothing is inevitable. In giving this importance to history, I drew inspiration from The Secret History (Tartt, 1993), a modern day detective story with characters immersed in the culture of the ancient past.
Soon after I had begun my project, I had the opportunity of comparing it with a near future scenario broadcast by the BBC, Years and Years (2019). This was useful in comparing techniques, for example in opening the story, but it also illustrated how different approaches could be applied to the same subject. True Britain was an opportunity to combine my interests in speculative fiction and history. While Years emphasises radical new technology and ideas such as transhumanism, the government of True Britain glamorises history, turning it into a crucial part of young people’s identities. As the Party slogan in 1984 goes: ‘who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past’ (Orwell, 1989, p260). In True Britain technological progress has gone backwards, something so unusual in near future dystopias that it was questioned by a reviewer (XXXX, 2019). In part, this is because a characteristic of dystopias is a reduction in living standards (Utopia and Dystopia, 2019), but it also reflects a government strategy to limit the means of communication.
Elements of the action genre distinguish True Britain from traditional dystopias such as 1984, bringing it closer to recent young adult dystopias like The Hunger Games (Collins, 2009). This action-oriented fiction includes bold, active protagonists, training sequences and physical confrontation. While Emily is a more typical character in dystopia, timidly questioning, Jake embraces a world of escalating violence. He joins the resistance movement, undergoes training and embarks on missions—although he is no Jack Reacher, and the consequences are messy.
Jake is in fact an ordinary lad who has grown up obeying orders in Britain’s newly authoritarian climate. This is a story with a message, but it remains important to ensure that characters are complex and credible. They are not replicas of any in my previous dystopias. Although Jake is of the same age and under similar pressures to Deivos in Rebel Generation, he lacks Deivos’s nihilism, and is driven by the wish to save his family and community rather than to take revenge. Emily resembles Maddie in All Souls in that she opposes a new orthodoxy, but she does it on intellectual grounds, and also has a greater sense of self-preservation. It has been suggested that she could begin as right-wing herself, gradually awakening to injustice (XXXX, 2019b). However, I see her as somebody with strong ideas that, at first, she can only express cautiously. As Sokoloff explains, a protagonist should have conflicting internal and external motivations: this tension and the eventual triumph of the internal motivation will drive the plot (Sokoloff, 2015, p46). In Emily’s case, her external motivation is to stay safe; but her internal motivation drives her to defy the regime and its intellectual stranglehold.
One problem I have had in the past is writing strong lead characters. A protagonist cannot be passive, but must be capable of changing both themselves and the situation (Moon, 2013). When I created Jenny in Child of the Moors, I tried to explore a flawed personality, but Jenny’s faults did not give her agency; she caved to her domineering mother in a way that strained credibility (XXXX, 2019a). It has been suggested that there is a cultural reluctance to portray flawed female protagonists. Heroines are often simply ‘good’, without the capacity for selfishness seen in male anti-heroes (The New Yorker, 2013). Female protagonists are relatively rare in dystopias written for adults, and those that exist seem less capable of resistance; for example, Mae in The Circle (Eggers, 2014) never questions the oppressive nature of the corporation she works for (Petri, 2016). In my first piece, The Sponsor, I notice that although Summer is the main character, crucial decisions—to reject the sponsorship and then to flee—are made by her husband, Zach. In True Britain, however, Emily is as active and potentially unlikeable as Jake; she rescues Jake, then pushes him away; she is an atheist, but seeks refuge with evangelicals. Sokoloff argues that the most satisfying character arc results in a person becoming less selfish (Sokoloff, 2015, p106), and this is what happens to both Emily and Jake, with Emily sacrificing the precarious remnants of her security to save Jake a second time.
Protagonists require enemies who will try to thwart their goals. In dystopias, the antagonist is often the setting (Revis, 2010). Burroway argues that across all genres, ‘setting is often to some degree symbolic’ and ‘suggestive of a larger meaning’ (Burroway, 2011, p141). This is particularly true of a dystopia, where Jake and Emily’s environment—the ubiquitous flags, the jingoistic posters and the strained faces of it citizens—all contribute to an atmosphere of enforced patriotism. This focus on the setting as the enemy can lead to unimpressive human antagonists, mere cogs in the machine. For example, in Vox (Dalcher, 2018), the villain is annoying rather than terrifying. However, it is still important that the villain has his own motivations: ‘the best villain would be a hero—just not in this version of the story’ (Coe, 2016). In True Britain, both Emily and Jake have antagonists whose goals conflict with their own. Emily is faced by her fanatical pupil Alex, who immediately introduces conflict. In past work I have always tried to show the motivation of antagonists, but haven’t always succeeded; the self-righteous, wealthy characters in The Sponsor, for instance, ‘were more one sided, which made them seem less human’ (XXXX, 2017). In True Britain, Alex’s mixture of pride and rage must be psychologically real; his own voice will join the discourse of the story, reflecting David Lodge’s idea that in a novel, ‘no ideological or moral position is immune from challenge’ (Lodge, 2011, p129).
One area that needs improvement in my writing is a tendency to introduce too many characters. In Rebel Generation, the story followed three strands, each with multiple characters whose lives intersect. Reviewers felt that some characters failed to make an impression, with their voices merging (XXXX, 2018) and a lack of control in focus (XXXX, 2018). In True Britain I again met criticism for bringing in too many characters, which was confusing for the reader (XXXX, 2019). Robert Wood suggests that a story should have ‘as few characters as necessary,’ and that each should have a unique role and emotional outlook (Wood, 2016). When editing True Britain, I cut out those characters whose roles were not clearly needed while increasing the narrative presence of those whose role would be important later on. This latter group includes Jake’s girlfriend, whose pregnancy inspires his desperate attempts to return to his family, culminating in his second intrusion into Emily’s life.
During my development as a writer, I have increasingly used multiple narrators in order to cover conflicting perspectives. In True Britain, the tone of Jake and Emily’s stories contrast: one characterised by violent adventure, the other by careful negotiation. I am currently experimenting with different points of view for the narrative. One option is to have Emily narrate, retrospectively, in first person. This is necessary if the story is in past tense, as Jake doesn’t survive. Past tense, here, echoes the theme of history. The Secret History also uses first person and past tense; Mullan suggests that this ‘opens a gap’ between the past and present versions of the narrator, emphasised by occasional slips in tense as the narrator tries to make sense of their past actions (Mullan, 2006, p45). This is useful in Emily’s case; her personality and circumstances have undergone significant changes. However, it is unusual to have a combination of first and third person narrators: one example is found in the short stories of Jennifer Egan, but the effect there is not continuity but inferred connections (Masters, 2018). Jason Black suggests that this combination can be useful if one character should be kept close and the other ‘an enigma’ (Black, 2017), but there is no narrative reason for Jake to be a mystery. One of the novels I’m reading as part of background research is Anatomy of a Scandal (Vaughan, 2018), which not only gives insights into the British political establishment, but also alternates between first and third person perspectives. Here, the effect is to create a feeling of closeness with a character whose actions unravel the mystery generated by the others. There is a very specific reason for this; she is also one of the characters narrated in third person. This treatment of point of view in Anatomy has been well received by critics, with one commenting that the ‘shifts in perspective add considerable suspense’ (Sethi, 2018). In True Britain, the justification for mixing narrative approaches would be different, and I am still trying various strategies. Given the theme of history, it seems fitting for Emily to act as a historian, not only of herself but of Jake and the entire country. Alternatively, I could revert to the more conventional style of alternating third person narrators, which Skinner argues is suited to plot-driven stories and has the advantage of creating ‘dramatic irony’ because the reader will know more than the characters (Skinner, 2018, p74). In this case, neither Jake nor Emily would be aware of how catastrophic their decisions might be, but the reader, with a wider vantage point, would see it.
A major criticism of my project has been that the characters are ‘buried because there is so much story to cover’ (XXXX, 2019). This related to the action scene filtered through Jake’s third-person perspective. Readers found themselves emotionally detached from Jake, and on rereading the piece I can see that the psychic distance is too remote, creating a rather cold effect. For example, when Jake sees a neighbour ‘lying motionless on his sloping lawn, one leg buckled and a dark smudge on his cheek’ (Daykin, 2019c), there is no indication of how Jake feels about this. There were too many ‘thought verbs’, which Palahniuk argues pushes the narrative towards telling rather than showing (Palahniuk, 2011). In an action sequence such as this, as Shultz suggests, ‘psychic distance should be drawn closer’ (Shultz, 2017). Details conveyed to the reader reflect the focal character’s personality and state of mind (Ellis, 2019). I will try to use the technique I experimented with in The Grey Runner, ‘zooming in’ to the protagonist, John, in a way that encompassed his internal monologue and stream of consciousness. For example, John hallucinates: ‘That’s odd, it reminds him of. Of something. Himself, as a child?’ (Daykin, 2019b).
In addition to studying fiction, I have also learned from the genres of creative nonfiction and script. Nonfiction requires research, with an emphasis on truth presented in a literary style, and this was a prerequisite for True Britain. The story has at times a documentary feel, with information conveyed by news footage and studio interviews as well as classroom debates. My factual research covers subjects ranging from English history (Jenkins, 2012) to the experience of teaching (Crossley-Holland, 2009). A misunderstanding of current political trends or a factual misstep by a character obsessed with history could alienate readers. This is the most extensive research I have carried out for a project, and it has also involved developing methods to catalogue the information.
A major influence has been script, which I’ve largely studied independently, taking particular inspiration from Alexandra Sokoloff, who describes how cinematic techniques can be applied to fiction (Sokoloff, 2015). Sokoloff draws on the template of the ‘hero’s journey’ (Bronzite, 2019). Using the film script structure of sequences and Acts, I mapped out the True Britain novel, gaining a better understanding of where the dramatic climaxes should be and what elements the reader will unconsciously expect to see in place at every stage. With this analysis, the EMA would represent most of the First Act, in which setting, allies, antagonists and goals are established, and the protagonists ‘step over the threshold’ into the big adventure of Act Two. Jake’s eviction by the authorities is the inciting incident; Emily’s offer to shelter him forms the Sequence One climax. Sequence Two involves growing tension, culminating with Jake, abandoned by Emily, joining a resistance group at the climax of Act One. Both protagonists have ‘crossed the threshold’. To give a parallel, 1984 is divided into three Acts; Act One ends after Winston encounters Julia in the street, marking the first step in their doomed relationship.
The question of how to open the novel has been difficult. After the first attempt was dismissed as too unsubtle, I had Emily introduce the situation from her perspective a year later, when, although this was not stated, she is living in America. However, this was felt to have ‘a distancing effect—closer to the viewpoint of a historian’ (XXXX, 2019). I watched the openings of a range of dystopian films, noting different ways of beginning: some used exposition (text or voiceover), while others employed the device of an interview, debate or speech, and the rest plunged straight into the action. News footage and rapid montages of sound and images were very common. My original approach was similar to that in Years and Years—a family watching television, oblivious to forewarnings of their own impending doom. I’m now considering an opening in which Emily drives into town to meet an old friend, a sequence made more sinister by the fact that the friend doesn’t show up. The first paragraph would resemble the establishing shot in a film, demonstrating the changed landscape and its fearful atmosphere without the need for exposition. As in Children of Men (2006), billboards could be used to convey cultural information. Anthony Powell, an early adopter of cinematic techniques in novels, also opened with a panoramic image that communicated his themes (Radner, 2019).
Another aspect emphasised in script is ‘plants and pay-offs’, the cinematic equivalent of foreshadowing. Chekhov argued that ‘if there is a gun hanging on the wall, you should make quite sure that it is going to be used’ (Miyamoto, 2017). In past work, I’ve been less conscious of this, and overloaded scenes with unnecessary detail: for example in Child, a memorial cross ‘needed to be foregrounded to strengthen the connection to the child revelation’ (XXXX, 2019a) but was instead obscured by irrelevancies. Every detail must play its part, and although some of them support mood and setting, others have greater significance. For instance, when Emily drives into town in the opening scene, she is witnessing the subtle build up to a purge that will strike the area next day—rather akin to the first signs of disturbance in a psychological horror film.
In some ways True Britain mirrors The Sponsor, an earlier dystopian story with interlinking narrative strands. However, I hope it is a more mature work, informed by feedback from others and from my reading of other texts from the perspective of a writer. It reflects a greater awareness of the importance of genre conventions and how to use them creatively; the significance of detail, the need for active protagonists and strategies for controlling points of view. As well as studying the craft of fiction writing, I have been absorbing influences from other genres and have considered the techniques used in successful novels and films.
Word count: 3300 words
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